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Don't drink alcoholic beverages!

 

Why?

 

Well if you have to ask, then you might already be beyond help, but here it goes anyway. There really isn't anything good to say about drinking. No matter what angle you try to approach this subject, drinking always ends up with you, a toilet, someone vomiting on someone, smashing your car into a tree, f***ing somebody's wife or girl friend, or doing something that ends you up with you in jail or a video on youtube.

 

When you drink, and most of us have at one time or another, you become another victim of the corporate media monsters. From the time that you are born, till the time you die, possibly in some sort of alcohol related accident, you are bombarded, and I mean annihilated by media featuring people, usually better looking and happier then you, drinking and having fun. In all likelihood, you too will emulate this and consume alcoholic beverages.

 

Drinking is stupid, and will make you do stupid things. No matter what you might think, if you drink, then you have become a victim of corporate advertising who is in the process of being fleeced through your use of a substance that should have never been invented in the first place.

 

Drinking has been here since the beginning of time, and has been and continues to be a huge money maker for large corporations which advertise the evil swill on any media that they can buy advertising space on and to anyone walking semi-upright. The “History Channel produces these great educational documentaries on how drinking evolved through the ages, so if your really interested in where drinking alcohol came from, tune into the History Channel.

 

Problem is that drinking is something that humans do and being that it is connected to something that humans do, means that it is something that humans are going to make a mess out of.  It’s really that simple, and you already know the drill. You drink, get drunk, and then probably do something stupid that is going to cost you money.

 

They, the big corporations who own all the distilleries in the world want you to drink. Your brain wants you to drink to kill the pain and misery in which you are putting it through, and your friends want you to drink so that you can go out and do stupid and rotationally fatal things so they can film it and put it on youtube and have something funny to laugh at while attending your funeral.

 

If you have any doubts about this, do a search on youtube for drinking. What you will find are thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of videos of people drinking, vomiting and then laughing while their beloved friends sit on their knees in front of a puke filled toilet bowl trying to hold their head up out of there, or someone else’s vomit, like a new born baby bird.

 

If you're a guy, your dick wants you to drink so that you will have the courage to ask a girl for a piece of her ass, which in itself brings presents the possibility of getting some sort of disease that could possibly kill you or the millionaire killer of all time, having a kid. If you're a girl, drinking is the main thing a guy wants you to do because it makes you so stupid that you’ll do things today that you will seriously regret for the rest of your life.

 

For a guy, drinking means that you go out with your buds, or buddies, buy more beer then a human can possible consume, and then attempt to drink it. Unless you are filthy rich, you will probably do your drinking in some sh** hole bar where you will try to pick up a girl by dancing around like a drunk, deranged gorilla in a whirling sh** storm of lights and music. Where upon you make a complete idiot out of yourself, fall down on the floor and dragged out onto the street by bouncers. You then vomit into a gutter, or the back seat of one of your friends car, pass out and wake up in the emergency room or some vomit filled bathroom wondering how in the hell you got there.

 

The other possibility is that you dance yourself into a sweaty drunken mess, say something stupid to the member of the opposite sex that you are dancing with, excuse yourself for a few moments while you go into a bathroom, which being that you are not filthy rich will look like a slit trench dug for combat troops during the civil war, and vomit into toilet bowl full of someone else’s puke, which hopefully, your head won't fall into. You then wipe the vomit off of your shoes, chew up a bunch of tic tacs and hope that whatever it was that you were dancing with is still out grazing on the dance floor awaiting the sweet smell of your vomit and tic tac flavored breath to woo her into copulating.

 

Sound pathetic? It is.

 

Now if you're the girl, it's even worse. Yes, we all want to mate, and yes we are all looking to hook up with someone, but for Christ sake, and you all know what I’m talking about, is this the way you want to meet your future husband? Think of your future for god’s sake!

 

If you’re in a bad part of town, and once again the stupidity of drinking can very easily put you in that place, then your chances of suffering a violent death dramatically increase. If you drive to get some place while drinking the chances of you killing yourself, or killing someone else dramatically increases. The horror of this possibility, and there are unfortunately thousands of them, is of a mother holding the decapitated head of her eight year old daughter following an accident in which a drunk driver plows into the front of their car with enough force to destroy this family in the blink of an eye. Not funny.

 

Since were on a roll here, let's keep it going.

 

Short of an IV of Drano, there is still no cure for aids. You get it, you die, maybe not as fast as before, but you will eventually die. If you drink and then f***, your chances of living a shortened life go up considerably, which means that you will not have the chance to make enough money to afford the prescriptions you will need to live, let alone become a millionaire. If you drink, f***, don't get aids or some other life altering STD, then you risk the following.

 

It's quite possible that the person you’re hooking up with will violently attack you during the mating ritual. Statistics show that most of the violent, rapes, assault, and other attacks that can maim you do not get properly reported due to the fact the people involved were drunk and too embarrassed by there alcohol induced actions to report it. Drunk or not, rape is a nasty despicable thing and those inflicting it should be executed. But it can be prevented by not being drunk and putting yourself in the situation for it to happen in the first place.

 

For those of you who decide to ignore the millions of warnings that are out there about drinking and someone end's up getting pregnant in the process, then you have begun another life cycle of nastiness for someone who has no say in you terrible decision, a child.

 

If you're the girl and you do not know the name and location of the father, then congratulations, you have just become the mother of a fatherless child. If you know the father, then congratulations, you are the proud parents of an unplanned child who in all likelihood will end up in a difficult marriage, or depending on your current level of justifying your humanity at the bottom of a vacuum tube in an abortion clinic. Pro life, pro choice, the fact remains, that you have just created a life that would not be there to live through circumstance created by you, had you not been drinking.

 

All of the stories that you hear about drinking being a fun and humorous experience are leaving out a lot of what really happens. Drinking is usually a messy affair with brutal consequences that far out weigh the few minutes of fun you might have while doing it. So for a better life, leave it alone.

 

Drinking will ultimately kill you and others who are around you. Take the money that you would have spent on buying alcohol and invest it in a CD or something. And for all the girls out there who think they will find prince charming by drinking and dancing at a club. Think again. The only thing you will get is a short video of you projectile vomiting that will ultimately end up on youtube.

 

Bottom line, don't drink.

 

Same goes for smoking. This deadly, endorsed by the government habit will kill you at the cost of about eight dollars a day, depending on how many of those nasty things you smoke on a given day. Let’s not even go into the healthcare cost of this evil menace. For now let’s just keep it on the chump change level. If you smoke it is costing you around 2,000 dollars a year. Need more incentive to quite? Then you have wasted your money on this book and you will not become a millionaire.